WalMart Adventure
by Bwans
Summary: Squad 7 and the Sand Sibs are on a harmless trip to WalMart. But they soon find that WalMart isn't the lovely store they thought it was...
1. Rabid Raccoons and Kyuubi Pee

**A Tale of…**

**Rabid Raccoons and Kyuubi Pee**

By: EEK…because you can't know my real name. Hah.

What makes a true story? A tale of an epic adventure, a hero… A tale of integrity, honor, justice, and fighting for what you believe in….A true story; one that touches that hearts of many….brings tears to the eyes of the reader… A true product of effort, time and the brilliant talent of using words to captivate everyone…

**WARNING**: This is not one of those stories. This is a product of boredom, too much free time, and Coca-Cola. This is my theory; Naruto and Gaara don't actually have the demons inside them, they just live on top of their heads (this theory occurred after me drawing a picture of Gaara and putting a raccoon on his head). Kyuubi pees on people (long inside story after playing Naruto: Gekitou Ninja Taisen 3) and Shukaku eats eyebrows, thus the reason Gaara is lacking them. Although, not matter how it comes off in this…Gaara is awesome…X3 (I loveth him!) Oh, and I don't own anything Naruto. But you all probably knew that.

Gaara walked down the streets of Konoha, followed by his siblings Temari and Kankuro. It was just like any other day…only they happened to be in Konoha because I put them there.

"I'm gettin' kinda hungry, who wants to stop?" Kankuro patted his stomach.

"I'm hungry too…" Temari added, hoisting her fan onto her shoulder.

"_FLARJELKFCOIDJFE HIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!_"

"…" Temari gave her crimson haired brother an odd stare. "Did you not give Shukaku his food this morning Gaara?" she pointed to the rabid raccoon on top of his head.

"I don't carry a supply of eyebrows for him to eat," Gaara retorted. He had never really recovered from having his eyebrows eaten…

_FLASHBACK! OOOOOOH!_

"_Gaara, come here, I want to give you something," Gaara's father called out. Little Gaara ran up to his dad, his aqua eyes shining. Daw. _

"_What is it?" He asked anxiously. His father reached behind him and picked up a funky looking animal. Gaara made a face. "I don't want it. It looks like a piece of icky poo."_

"_Oh, silly boy," His dad placed the animal on his head. "His name is Shukaku and he's yours now." Gaara went to move the radical raccoon from his head only to have his eyebrows swiped off in a one swoop. Gaara cried. _

"_Silly boy," His dad laughed again. He then fell into a hole, and no ones knows what happened to him._

_END FLASHBACK! SNAP YO! _(Little side note…I know that's not how it happened, deal with it)

"….I know, but…." Temari took a step back. She was scared of the crazy raccoon atop her brother's head.

"_LKSCMIUDEYF&R#JHDGFDJFKJWEHIF RANDOM RABID NOISES HIISSSSSSSSSSSS!_" Foam flew everywhere. Eww.

"And people give me a hard time for carrying around a demented puppet," Kankuro mumbled.

"What did you say?" Gaara snapped his head back, which caused Shukaku to latch on and pull out some hair.

"Um…nothing…PLEASEDON'TEATMYEYEBROWSTHEYTAKEALONGTIMETOGROWBACK! ILOVETHEMSOMUCH!" Kankuro grabbed onto Gaara's ankle and pleaded for mercy.

"…You don't really have eyebrows," Temari poked him in the face with her Fan. "Do you?"

"…They're there….they're….just…covered with paint!" Kankuro laughed.

"…I don't believe you," Temari said flatly. "Though your funky tribal paint does tend to hide any resemblance of a real face." Suddenly, since Gaara was standing too close, Shukaku tried to attack Temari's face and take her freshly plucked eyebrows. "GAH! NO! BAD RACCOON!" and WHACK! She bashed Shukaku (and Gaara) in the head with her fan.

"I hate you," Gaara growled. He growled almost as much as the raccoon.

"_FLURACKAHLAKALFEMISHIGANASHAMANAHAAA! HISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" _What Temari didn't know was that she was just cussed out in Raccoon. All seven words no less. See if you can count them all, foolish mortals.

THEN SUDDENLY! Who else would appear? But the ever faithful SQUAD 7!

"Hey!" Naruto, the ever hyper ninja yelled, waving his hand in the air.

"_FLURGADDSLKCMVECRACKERJACKHISSSS!" _Shukaku saw Kyuubi.

"PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kyuubi saw Shukaku.

Rabid foam and pee went all over the place. Not just any foam and pee, but Magical Shukaku foam and Magical Kyuubi pee.

"I peed a lot!" cried Kyuubi.

"That's disgusting!" Sakura, the ever annoying pinked hair ninja chick screamed.

"…Nasty," Sasuke added.

"Don't make fun of Kyuubi's kidney problems all right? I'll make him melt your face off with pee!" Naruto shook a fist in Sasuke's face. He turned his back to him and pouted.

"…" Sakura and Sasuke sweat dropped.

"So…" Temari started, trying to break some of the tension. "What's up?"

"We where on our way to Wal-mart…because Mr. Game boy needs a new fix," Naruto pointed at Sasuke.

"Pee," Kyuubi said in an upset tone, sensing Naruto's anger.

"Hey!" Sasuke snapped.

"Do you know the quickest way there?" Sakura laughed nervously, trying to move to a new subject other than Sasuke's recent addiction to games.

"No," Gaara said flatly. Shukaku spit up a little.

"Oh, come on Gaara! Yes we do! We have to go there and buy my facial paint all the time…and not to mention, all the sweeper bags. You drag sand everywhere man!" Kankuro teased. Mind you his teasing came to a vicious halt when Gaara threw Shukaku on his face.

"Anyway…" Temari stared at her younger brothers and scratched her head. "Would you like us to take you there?" She smiled and threw open her fan.

"…You can get us there with that?" Naruto pointed to the gianormous fan. And without more than a wink from Temari, WOOSH! They flew to Wal-mart on her magical fan of doomness.


	2. WalMart, store of DOOM

Ok, so I had the first 2 chapters ready to go! WOO and I hope this all goes well with all you readers and such. It's really on crack...and this all started off as a one shot humor fic...wow, the way things can go...Anyway I still don't own any Naruto or anything walmart for that fact...but oh well...

_LOUD CRASHING NOISES INSERTED HERE! YAY!_

"Ow…" Naruto rubbed his sore rump.

"Ugh," said Sasuke.

"PAIN!" said Sakura's hiney.

"You think you could have avoided our landing," Kankuro complained. "Especially mine. I personally like my back bone…and not slamming it on your fan…" he went to move only to have a loud CRACK happen. He twitched a little bit.

"Well, if you wouldn't have made the comment you did, then you would have landed like everyone else," she pouted. Compared to Kankuro's landing, the others were fine. Especially Gaara's, seeing as how he landed on his feet…some how... He's the Mighty Gaara of DOOM! That's how. What now, beyotch?

"You take things too seriously…" Kankuro gasped. "I was just telling you the truth…"

_YET ANOTHER FLASHBACK! YEEE-AAAH!_

"_Say…Temari," Kankuro latched onto his sister's leg as they flew through the air._

"_Yes?" _

"_You ever notice people could probably look up yer dress…thing…?"_

_BAMWHACKSMASHCRASHOTHERRANDOMNOISES PAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIN!_

_End Flashback._

"You think you would've learned to keep your mouth shut after Gaara throwing Shukaku on your face," Temari was right. Kankuro was being really stupid today. So what if a certain narrator did it for her own amusement…Ahem. Back to the story. Temari turned around, expecting humble thanks for the quick trip, no matter how painful it might have been, only to see that Squad 7 was gone. She only caught the tail end of Sakura's foot going through the door.

"GET YER BUTTS BACK HERE!" she screeched, and tore after them.

"Should we follow her?" Kankuro looked to Gaara.

"_DKCNEYR&#:JDJFUNERJAWJDISD HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"_

"Yea," Gaara answered, knowing they could pick up some free eyebrows.

_Meanwhile, in the game section…._

"YES! THE NEW ONE IS FINALLY HERE!" Sasuke cheered. He pressed his face up against the glass and drooled slightly.

"What's this new game you've been obsessing about for a month—" Naruto stopped, seeing what Sasuke was so happy about. "THEY MADE A GAME ABOUT **US**?" his mouth dropped open. This was a whole new level for Naruto. He felt loved.

"What?" Sakura looked up too see the cover of the newest Naruto game. "…Sasuke…I'm a little worried about your game addiction."

"Hey! Twerps!" Temari cried as she scurried down the aisle to get to them; violently swinging her fan of DOOM. "Where's my 'THANK YOU FOR BRINGING US HERE'?"

_Suddenly, in another part of the store…around the make-up aisle…_

"Hm…I wonder which would be best for Gai-sensei…." Rock Lee pondered aloud while looking at eye lash curlers. Gai had sent Lee out to buy some new _utilities _in order to keep his manly looks as sharp as possible.

"Hey…it's that Lee kid," Kankuro pointed over the green spandex suit wearing Beatles look a-like boy.

"_Fkejuiehfajk hiss, hiss, hiss,"_ Shukaku saw the giant eye brows under the horrendous hair cut. He was laughing if you couldn't tell.

"Good," Gaara let a twisted smile spread across his face. Silently, he walked over to Lee, who completely unexpected anything, especially in Wal-mart. Hey, it's a crazy store… "Are you hungry, Shukaku?" Gaara whispered maniacally.

"_Hissssssssssssssssssssssssssss," _Shukaku said yes. Gaara tapped Lee on the shoulder. Being the person he is, and for the sheer fact that his eye brows tend to scare the crap out of me, Lee turned around only to have Shukaku attack his face. Gaara laughed.

_Meanwhile, back in the gaming section…_

"Does anyone know how to get this glass open?" Sasuke basically was asking himself due to the fact that Temari was bickering with Naruto, and Sakura had gone to the bathroom, because I didn't know what to do with her.

"Maybe we would have said thank you if it wasn't for such a sucky landing!"

"Well, it would have been fine if you didn't try to squirm when I hit Kankuro!"

"I squirmed because you dropped all of us!"

"PEEEE!" Kyuubi growled in agreement.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"NOT!"

"TOO!"

This was too much for Sasuke. He had to get the game, and he had to get it soon, or else he might go into convulsions. He beat his head against the glass case. _Why is there never anyone around? _Sasuke thought to himself, seeing as how not a single employee was near by…when suddenly, an announcement came on.

"Would a…Tuh-meeriii, come to duh front desk, like, now?" some annoying bubble gum chewing teenage girl that would much rather be doing her nails said. "You, like, need to pick up yer brothers, or, like, something, like that…"

"IT'S TE-MAR-I! GET IT RIGHT!" she shrieked and ran to the front desk. Naruto, not really paying attention, thought that his opponent was trying to get away. So he grabbed Sasuke by the arm, and ran after her. Though, grabbing Sasuke slowed him down due to the fact that he had more or less glued himself to the case and pulling him away nearly broke it all.

"Come on! You can get the stinkin' game later!" Naruto yelled as he chased after Temari.

"NUUUUUU!" sobbed Sasuke. He died a little one the inside.

At this time, Sakura returned to see everyone had gone. "Guys? Hey…where'd ya go?" And she was all alone. So she wandered off to the jewelry section.

_At the Front Desk…._

"Gaara! Kankuro! What did you do?" Temari yelled as she approached the desk. She looked to see Kankuro looking angry at the store employees, and Gaara with a some what sick satisfaction of something he had just accomplished. She looked to her right to see what the accomplishment was. There stood Rock Lee, crying, in that weird dramatic way he does…

"My beloved eye brows…!" He cried. "Gai-sensei will be disappointed in me!" Lee was severely traumatized.

"…." Said Temari, Naruto, and Sasuke in unison.

"You like, are, ban from the store…or something…" the annoying girl cracked her bubble gum. Everyone cringed at the sound. Then she did it again. Pain. "Like…we have a no animal policy, _CRACK_."

"PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kyuubi cried in disarray and peed all over the girl.

"AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she wailed. The store guard then proceeded to boot them all out. Except for Sakura, who was still in the jewelry section.


	3. New Mission

Well...here I am with a third chapter...and I must say...this might take a while...I swear no more than eight chapters though! Heh...Thanks to all of you that've reviewed so far! I'm glad you like it and aren't mentally scarred by it. Now...ON WITH THE SHOW! BWAHAHAHAH+ahem+ Sorry...

"You just _had _to do it in the store, didn't you?" Temari tapped her foot impatiently. It helped calm her nerves.

"Jeez, Shukaku was just eating," Kankuro complained. He thought their reaction was unruly. Gaara hadn't said anything, he was fine with the fact they had been kicked out. As long as he exacted revenge against Lee. Now he never had to look at those gianormous eye brows again.

"I DON'T care, Kankuro!" Temari fumed. "You think you could've of stopped him! Now where am I supposed to get my make-up! Better yet, because of this, NO MORE FACE PAINT!"

"What? No! Dammit Gaara!"

"…What?" Gaara turned an icy stare towards him.

"Um…nothing…I just…heh," Kankuro whistled and turned away.

Strangely enough, no one really seemed to notice Sasuke slowly dying on the ground. Except maybe the cars driving by. They stare at you…stoopid weird people.

"Must…have…game…" Sasuke said between violent spasms. Heh…_spasms_…that's a fun word.

"…?" Naruto poked him with a stick. Then a light bulb, mind you it was about a 3 watt, went off in his head. "IT'S A NEW MISSION!"

"What?" The sand siblings said simultaneously.

"We have to sneak in to Wal-mart and retrieve the game!" Naruto purposely avoided saying it would help Sasuke, for obvious reasons. He just wanted to have some fun. Don't we all? "Think of it as we have to work together and steal information!"

"Except this would be shop-lifting dough head!" Temari yelled.

"Pfft. That's all right," Naruto waved his hand dismissively.

"You're a bit daft, aren't you?"

"NO!"

"PEEEE!"

"…Fine, how do we go about doing this then?" Temari planted her hands on her hips.

"Well first off," Naruto kicked Sasuke in the back. "GET UP YAH PANSY!"

"Gaaaaaaaaaah…" Sasuke cried, in a greatly tormented and out of character way.

"Do you want yer stinkin game or not?" Naruto joined Temari, and placed his hands on his hips.

Abruptly, Sasuke's expression returned to being the normal composed one. He stood, coolly sliding his hands into his pockets. "I will have my game."

_Meanwhile, in the Jewelry Section…_

"Whatcha gonna do wit all dat junk, all dat junk inside dat trunk!" Sakura shook her rump as she put a different tiara on her head. While she actually hated the music selection currently being played over the speakers, she ended up singing along and dancing. Not only did her dancing make all the eyes of the other customers find her, but she was decked out in tons of jewelry. She was bored.

Earrings, necklaces, bracelets, tiaras, hair clips, bows, and a few curlers. Wow.

"My humps, my humps, my hump my hump my hump. My love lady lumps!" She belted out the chorus. (Sweet Jesus tapping dancing Christ on crutches, I hate that song. It hurt to type the lyrics…thus the reason I made Sakura sing it.)

"…Sakura?" a familiar voice asked, in an extremely puzzled tone.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura screamed, exceptionally embarrassed, even though the rest of Wal-mart had been staring at her since _Let the Bodies hit the Floor_ came on over fifteen minutes ago.

"…You have…a lot of cranium accessories…" Kakashi pointed at her head.

"Heh…well…I was here with Naruto and _Sasuke_," of course, she added a dreamy tone for Sasuke's name. "But they left or something, so I came over here…" she blushed. Kakashi laughed. "Say, what are you doing here, Kakashi-sensei?"

"…Nothing…" he shifted uneasily, making sure to conceal something behind his back.

"…Are you hiding something?" Sakura leaned to the side.

"No."

"But…I can see….is that a book?"

POOF! It was too late. Kakashi poofed away…because he's just super cool like that. I mean come on, it's Kakashi.

_Back in the Parking lot…_

"Right, so we go in here…" Naruto pointed to one of the larger air vents running through the main part of the store, on the blue print they just happened to have. They all stood over the blue print, a little hunched over from hiding behind a car. The guards had seen them supposedly 'loitering' and almost called the cops.

"How about this door?" Gaara spoke up.

"Huh?" Naruto stared up at him. "What door?" He looked down, and turned his head. He didn't see any door.

"The secret door on the far east wing. I've watched people use it before with my sand eye." Gaara stated plainly.

"…You…have?" Everyone's head cocked in confusion.

"…I was bored."

"Well, off to the secret door!" Naruto threw his fist in the air excitedly. Kyuubi rejoiced along with him.

They all used their super spiffy neato ninja skills and easily got through the parking lot and averted being seen by anyone.

"Why the hell does Wal-mart have a secret door?" Temari asked as they bounded over the last few cars.

"Good question," Kankuro snorted.

"There it is," Gaara said as the others came beside him.

"What are we just standing here for? Let's go in!" Naruto went to walk forward.

"Wait," Sasuke grabbed his shoulder.

"What is it?" Naruto huffed.

"Look…there's some one guarding it," he pointed to a ferocious looking man. Not only was he about three times as tall as them, he was about five times as big as them. Naruto eeped.

"I can take care of him," Gaara said, sand starting to swirl around his feet.

"NO!" Everyone yelled…stupidly. Their yelling caught the attention of the guard.

"Hey! What're you kids doin?" The guard barked in a surfer kind of voice. Everyone sweat dropped.

"Um…you see…we were just…" Temari mumbled, rubbing the back of her head. No one else really tried to help her answer, and Naruto was starting to grow bored of it. He knew the one thing that would permit them to get in.

"Orioke no jutsu!" POOF! "Ooohhhhhhhhhhhh!" a little heart flew out from a wink given by the now barely covered by puffs of cloud floating around Naruto. It soon turned into nose bleed central when the giant man fell over. And POOF! "All right! Let's go!" Naruto was now back to normal and easily stepped over the guy. (Note: Just to clear things up in case no one caught it, that was Sexy no Jutsu)

Everyone looked to each other for a moment, shrugged, and followed Naruto.

WOO! Be prepared for more crack, minna!

Ja ne!


	4. The plot thickensDUNDUNDUN!

Well, I saw how good just 3 chapters were doing, so I hurried up and prepared the 4th chapter, and one of my favorite parts happen in here. And don't worry, there won't be anymore Sakura singing.WEE! Thanks for the reviews!

-- (The plot thickens…)

_In the Jewelry Section…_

"Well, if it isn't billboard brow," an all too familiar voice snorted. (People like to come up behind her in Wal-Mart, don't they?)

"What are you doing here Ino-pig?" Sakura didn't even turn around to face her enemy.

"We were just stopping to get Choji's new crate of potato chips," she smiled. "And," she tried to stifle her laugh. "Just what are you doing?"

"…NOTHING!" Sakura's face went red. Just as she spun around to look Ino head on, there was a bright, blinding flash of light and a little click. Sakura didn't recognize the sound at first, but soon it hit her. It was a camera.

"Never pass up a good photo op!" Ino laughed. "This'll just prove how much of a loser you really are!"

"GIVE ME THAT STINKIN CAMERA!" she lunged at the blond girl. And then all hell broke loose.

_Somewhere around the Auto Repair and Tire Section…._

"GOD! It reeks of rubber back here!" Temari waved her hand in front of her face, trying desperately to make the smell go away.

"Quiet," Sasuke growled. "We can't give away our positions."

"Why don't we just take all the employees out? I mean…it'd be a lot easier…" Kankuro suggested.

"Because that would be murder, dumb ass," Temari replied.

"_DJCSIDOJEFDKSIJCIONEIUED HISSSSSSSSSSSSS!" _

"…" Gaara's eyes narrowed into a glare. "This is a waste of time." He hadn't expected the raccoon atop his head to get hungry for another hour or so, especially after eating some of the bushiest brows in all of Konoha.

"No it's not! It's a way to improve your skills!" Naruto thrust his fist into the air. Sasuke punched him in the head.

"Dobe! Don't be so loud, you'll give us away!" he sneered. Naruto stuck his tongue out at him. Kyuubi peed some. Shortly after the tiny spat, a silence took over the group. No one said a word; it seemed too tense and trying to strike a conversation may cause some one's head to explode. Of course, that didn't stop Naruto.

"So…Sasuke…" he began.

"What?" Sasuke sighed in an annoyed tone.

"Why is it that you want this game so bad?" Naruto asked. Sasuke's eyes narrowed for a split second and all he did for a response was turn his head. "Hey…" Naruto poked him. "Saaaaaaaaaaasukeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….hellooooooo…" he continued to poke him. "Afraid to admit you have an addiction?" he laughed.

"No!" Sasuke nailed Naruto on the head again.

"Now that he mentions it, why do you want the game?" Temari asked, becoming curious. Kankuro nodded in agreement. Gaara said nothing; all he was doing was looking for a clueless employee to make Shukaku shut up.

"Come on Sasuke, now you have to tell!" Naruto laughed. Sasuke's face went red, and his hands were clearly fidgeting nervously in his pockets.

"I want it so I can…" he broke off into a mumble.

"…? So you can what?" Temari asked, holding her hand to her ear.

"…beet schmatchi…" he mumbled again.

"What the hell is a beet schmatchi?" Naruto asked.

"Good question," Kankuro added.

"_VKDCMDIKOUEDH HISSSS!" _Apparently Shukaku was equally as confused. Gaara gave an inquisitive look, but said nothing.

"Pee…?"

"So I can beat Itachi!" Sasuke cried exasperatedly. He stared at the ugly tile floor.

There was a long silence. No one really knew what to say back to him; nothing short of calling him a troubled child anyway.

"Did ya ever get out of the shower and realize ya left your underwear on the whole time?" Kankuro suddenly spoke to break the pressure that was getting thick enough to cut. Temari whacked him in the head with her fan.

"No, but I'm sure you have," she said snidely. Kankuro gave out a humph and looked the other direction.

"I did that once," Naruto said, recalling the time that surprisingly wasn't too long ago. "It felt weird."

"Thanks for sharing, dobe," Sasuke sneered. His face was still a little pink with embarrassment, but he was trying to forget it all.

_Back at the Front Desk…in a secret room…_

"So…they got back in…" a dark figure said, brining his hands up and resting his chin in them. "This means we'll have to use our forces," a wicked smile gleamed across his face.

"Yes sir, if that is your command," A young man bowed down on one knee, his hitai-ate, bearing the Smiley of Wal-Mart, shining in the single light in the room. (That's right; Wal-Mart has ninjas too) "Do you wish to have them captured or killed?"

"Go ahead and kill them, I'm getting tired of staring at them on this annoying security T.V," he shifted in his chair. "But make it fun so I can get something other than all these unsightly people milling around." And his servant head ninja man jumped away to tell his troops what to do.

DUN DUN DUUUUN! haha.


	5. Secret Attack! New Foes Appear!

HAHAHA! And update for my reviewers! Though...it might be a few days before the next one...I'm gonna be kinda busy for a little bit...but after that, I should be able to finish it all up! Thanks to all who have reviewed, it really means a lot and it makes me happy to know that I can amuse people. I purposely titled the chapter this way because I wanted it to sound like the opening of an episode. +strangely enough, I went to WalMart today...+

_Back in the Tire Section…_

"Gawd! How long is this aisle?" Naruto yelled.

"I thought I told you to be quiet," Sasuke hissed. Suddenly, he felt a chill causing the hairs on his neck to stand up. He stopped dead in his tracks. "No one move," he whispered harshly to the group. Everyone stood still.

"It seems they found us," Gaara finally spoke, a bit of sand drifting by his feet.

Unexpectedly a tire flew down the isle, nearly colliding with Naruto's head and bounced into Kankuro's stomach.

"Ugh!" he cried as the tire smacked him. "What the hell?" he gasped. Today wasn't much of his day, and he never did get any lunch. Temari threw open her fan and stood in a wide stance ready for attack. Both Naruto and Sasuke had drawn out kunai and shuriken; while Gaara was idly twirling sand around. Kankuro was a little slow to react after the tire hitting him, but he was ready to use his puppet if needed.

"What's going on?" Naruto looked around.

"I guess they don't like people breaking in after they've been kicked out," Temari growled. "This is all your fault, you know."

Naruto would have started yelling back at her, if it weren't for the barrage of tires the came tumbling down the isle. Several Nin dressed in all black, even a mask over their face. The mask that burned its image in all of their minds. The mask of the Smiley.

"Move!" Sasuke yelled as he jumped and nearly landed against a shelf full of lubricant. Naruto shoved himself up against the wall, as tires zinged past him, several coming just centimeters away from his face. Temari just countered them with throwing wind at them, blowing them the other way. Kankuro was following Naruto in pressing up against the wall, while Gaara stood there; the sand protected him. (Pretty easy for him, huh?)

"Since when does Wal-Mart have ninjas?" Temari screamed over the roar of more tires crashing down the isle. But just as Temari asked, she remembered the door they came in. _Then again, since when does Wal-Mart have secret doors?_ She thought.

"We have to get them!" Sasuke pointed to the two in black. "They're controlling the tires!" His sharingan eyes wide.

"DAMMIT!" Kankuro roared as he fell to the ground. He went to move to a better position only to get stuck in a tire. He rolled around on the floor some, trying to avoid being hit.

"How do we get them?" Naruto yelled to Sasuke. Sasuke thought for a moment. There was really no way to get close to them, due to the fact there was a surge of tires flying at them and they would only get hit. Sasuke cursed under his breath as he started to run out of ideas. Then he remembered something…

He was next to the lubricant.

"CATCH!" he chucked a tube of the tire lubricant to Naruto. "On my count…squirt!" Naruto ripped the cap off of his tube and readied himself. "GO!" And with that, they put all the lubricant they could on the floor in front of the tire throwing ninja. Their feet slipped about as they tried to stop from falling.

"Now's our chance! Let's get out of here!" Sasuke announced.

"I'm not going to give up!" Naruto puffed out his chest.

"Dobe! Now is not the time to the hero! They're obviously advanced in the art of the tire jutsu!" Sasuke whacked Naruto upside the head and grabbed him by the collar of his jacket. "Move it you guys!" he shouted back to the others.

"I can't leave Kankuro here!" Temari was desperately tugging at the tire around her brother and found it quite stuck.

"That hurts!" Kankuro snapped. Gaara stood impatiently.

"Move Temari," he said coldly.

"But…Kankuro!" she pleaded.

"Do you want to die?"

"…No…but-"

"Move."

"…All right," and Temari left Kankuro rolling on the floor.

"Don't worry about me! I can take care of these losers!" he laughed nervously and rolled around some more. "Why didn't I put my puppet in here…?" he moaned quietly.

Tee hee...I hope the next chapter doesn't scar any one...+laughs evilly+ But I shan't tell you what it's about! AHAHA!

skips away madly+


	6. Temari Sensei's Valuable Lesson

Ok, here's the next chappie. I'm sorry to say it might be a little bit before my next post, because I'll be at my brother's house for a little bit...but it won't be too long or anything. I hope you enjoy the chapter! There's only 2 left and they're all planned out, so as soon as I get back, be prepared for more! HAHAH! Anyway...this mightbe a little bit of an...um...odd...chapter...yea...that's about all...

_Some where else in the store…_

"I can't believe I let you guys talk me into leaving Kankuro there!" Temari was on the verge of crying.

"Hn," was all Gaara gave, showing no sympathy.

"I hate you Sasuke! Making me run away from a fight!" Naruto rubbed his head where Sasuke had beamed him.

"We have more important things to worry about right now. There're more likely more ninjas all through the store…especially now they know we're here," Sasuke said. "We have to stay on the move constantly, understand?"

Naruto folded his arms across his chest and pouted. "Hmph…I guess…"

"R-right…" Temari mumbled; wiping her eyes some. Gaara nodded.

So they all continued down the isles of the evil store, keeping a sharp eye on every nook and cranny to make sure there would be no sneak attacks. The colors turned various shades as they passed new isles, some purple and blue, others floral colors from the fake flowers arrangements.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Naruto suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs, pointing a finger at what ever had made him scream.

"WHA!" Temari and Sasuke yelled from shock.

"What is it Naruto? Did you see something?" Sasuke grabbed his team mate; who stood with his mouth agape and his finger still pointing.

"I knew it! I knew that's why girls are evil! They obey Satan!" Naruto cried.

"What are you talking about?" Temari asked, cocking her head to the side in confusion.

"Look! That box over there…it says SATAN!" Everyone followed Naruto's finger over to what he was pointing to. There, in the isle of _feminine hygiene_ products, he pointed to a box of…well, what else, tampons.

"Naruto! You idiot!" Temari whacked him upside the head with her fan. "That says SATIN!"

"…" Naruto's face went blood red. "I-I knew that! I was just seeing if you were all alert!"

"Dobe," Sasuke sighed, shaking his head.

"C…C-come on, lets go a different way," Naruto stammered with embarrassment. "I don't want to go through that isle…" he started off in the opposite direction.

"Oh come on! We'll get to the games faster if we go this way," Temari grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him back. "Besides, one day, you'll have a wife…and she'll make you buy things when she doesn't feel well enough to do it," she explained.

"What? EW! NO!" Naruto thrashed about, trying to get away from Temari. "If she wants 'em she'll have to get 'em herself!"

Sasuke had a rather large sweat drop going down the side of his head. "She…wouldn't…would she?" he asked.

"I'm not getting married," Gaara said, being the only one seemingly unaffected by what Temari had just said.

"Sure you will!" Temari smiled and patted his shoulder. Then she thought about. "Actually…that might take a turn for the worse, you might not get married after all…"

"…" Gaara glared at her.

"_DLKCMDIJEIEMFIE HISSSSSSSS!" _Shukaku had no intention of marriage either.

"…Anyway, you boys need to understand women!" Temari spun around to face Naruto and Sasuke.

"We don't have time," Sasuke growled. Temari slammed her fan down. She would have used her foot, but her fan had much more dramatic affect.

"Sit yo asses down! I'm gonna teach you about tampons!" she barked. Naruto and Sasuke obediently sat down on the floor. "That's more like it…Gaara…why didn't you sit down?"

"I'm not getting married. I don't need to know this nonsense," and with that, he wondered around, waiting for Temari to work out her frustrations of leaving Kankuro behind by teaching Naruto and Sasuke about women.

"Right…now…" she threw open her fan, which just happen to now hold all those wonderful charts from health class. "Shall we start with what happens when girls hit puberty? And don't even make comments about how hard you have it. Trust me, you're voice changing is nothing," and so Temari became: The all knowing of how a woman works, Temari-sensei.

_A few minutes later…_

Naruto fidgeted as Temari went on. He could feel his brain melting away. Kyuubi wasn't enjoying any of it either. He had buried his face in Naruto's blond hair trying to keep from hearing more. Naruto could see Sasuke out of the corner of his eye, twitching just as much as him. He then noticed he had lost sight of Gaara, and became that much more disturbed.

"PAY ATTENTION!" Temari yelled. Naruto snapped his attention back to her horrible charts. "That's better, now…when this happens…"

Naruto's brain was about to ooze out of his ears, when he felt something poke his shoulder. He looked over to see there was nothing there but Sasuke.

"Don't poke me," he whispered harshly.

"What? I didn't poke you," Sasuke growled.

"Yes you did!"

"No I didn't!"

"BOYS!"

"Yes Temari-sensei!" They both stared at her and bowed. Naruto shot the best glare he could at Sasuke, and Sasuke sent one that was ten times better back at him.

A few minutes later, another poke came to Naruto's shoulder, only it was his other shoulder. He turned his head as fast as he could, hoping to catch Sasuke in the act, only to get something in his eye. He flinched and rubbed his poor eye. What ever had found its way into his eye felt extremely gritty…Naruto looked around, trying not to be seen by Temari.

Down at the far end of the isle, Naruto could see the top of something sticking out from behind a side shelf full of junk. He thought he recognized it, but was distracted by being poked again. This time, he saw a few grains of sand trailing away from his shoulder. He looked back to the shelf to see a crown of red hair (with a twitch-tastic raccoon on top) and aqua eyes staring at him. Gaara quickly ducked behind the shelf again.

"And that is how a woman works!" Temari smiled and closed her fan. "Any questions?"

Naruto couldn't care less, and Sasuke was half dead, foaming at the mouth on the floor.

"I guess not…" she said. "All right, now that you boys are fully educated, let's be on our-OW!" Temari rubbed her nose. "What was that?" she looked down at her feet to see a pink wrapped tampon. "Which one of you threw that?"

"I didn't do it!" Naruto asserted.

"PEE!"

"Not…me…" Sasuke said as he regained composure.

"Gaara," Temari looked around. "Gaara? Where are you?"

"It wasn't me," Gaara said sternly, suddenly appearing next to Temari. She screamed a little due to the fact that he just randomly appeared next to her. Hey, it's kinda creepy when people do that, especially Gaara.

"Don't sneak up on me!" She growled, and got hit with another tampon. "Dammit! They found us!"

"I told you that we shouldn't stop!" Sasuke yelled, bringing his sharingan back.

"But…it's just tampons, what can they do? I mean, tires are bigger and you can get stuck in them…but…tampons?" Naruto was confused. Just then a pad flew through the air and plastered itself on his face. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHH! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF MEEEE!"

"Hold still," Sasuke ripped the pad off Naruto's face. Naruto nearly hyper ventilated. "Now…where are they?"

"Over here, pretty boy," A woman's voice called out from atop one of the shelves. Everyone's attention turned to her. She stood very dramatically, one hand on her hip, the other one hanging by her side; tampons in between each finger. She tossed her head back, making her long black hair glitter in the head ache causing fluorescent lights. (They're evil lights, really)

Gaara sent sand up behind her, in hopes of finally being able to inflict some kind of pain (other than Lee's) on some one today. But his hopes were dashed when she pulled an aerial flip and landed on the opposite side of shelves.

"You'll have to do better than that to get me!" She jumped in the air and sent a rain of tampons down on the ninjas.

"Come down here and try that!" Temari cried, blowing the tampons away. "I'm not in the best mood right now! One of your comrades has my brother and I'm not about to let you win!"

"Make my day missy!" And so, Temari set into a battle with the Tampon Ninja. Naruto, Sasuke, and Gaara found it pointless to try and help; Temari seemed to be able to handle it all by herself.

"Um…should we keep going?" Naruto leaned over to Sasuke.

"I…don't know…" Sasuke tilted his head in confusion.

"Come on, she'll be fine," Gaara headed off. Sasuke and Naruto looked to each other, then back to Temari. There was no way to make her stop fighting. They shrugged and followed Gaara.

Wow...what a chapter...+starts to pray no one sues her for being scarred+ I hope it didn't disturb too many people. I'm an odd individual...

Ja ne!


	7. Third Encounter! Evil Toys!

All right! I'm back with the next chapter! WOO! I liked writing this one...hehe...anyway, there's only one chapter left now...I can't believe how many reviews this got! I was expecting it to get 10 or so...but...it got a lot more...YOU GUYS ROCK SO MUCH! I can't thank you all enough for all the reviews! It makes me really happy! So, I hope you enjoy these last two chapters, and thanks again to all of those who've reviewed.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Gaara wandered down the menacingly pink aisle of toys after trying to go down an accessories aisle when Sasuke grabbed both of them and ran the other direction. Neither Naruto nor Gaara knew what he was doing until they looked back and saw an evil fem looking man trying on some body glitter. They later realized it was Orochimaru.

"I think my eyes are bleeding," Naruto said as more blindingly bright toys smiled evilly at him. He was all for toys, but the ones in the specific aisle they were in were giving him the creeps.

"Hn…" Gaara seemed extremely discomforted by all the happiness. Shukaku had already jumped off Gaara's head and ripped apart several stuffed animals threatening him. But he was now just growling and spitting on anything that dared look at him from Gaara's head.

"Hm…I'm not sure where to go from here…I've never really come to this part of Wal-Mart…" Sasuke looked around, trying to see a sign over the shelves that would tell him where the games were.

"You should come here more and play!" an extremely high pitched voice cried out. They all quickly looked around for where it came from.

"Yes! Come and play with us all the time!" Another creepily high pitched voice cheered.

"Play forever and ever!"

"Play with us! Especially you GAARA!"

Gaara looked like he was ready to rip something to shreds. Toys had always been a horrible thing for him. They always looked so happy and bright. Gaara didn't like that.

"What the hell is going on?" Naruto yelled. Little voices were coming from all over the place now and he was thoroughly freaked out.

"It's the toys…" Sasuke said as tons of bright pink teddy bears started to jump off the shelves and move towards them.

"Toys aren't supposed to move! Or talk!" Naruto was frantic.

"I know that!" Sasuke replied. Just as the teddies went to launch at them, a huge sand wall flew up and stopped them dead in their path. Naruto and Sasuke looked over to Gaara who was holding his hand out.

"I hate toys." Gaara moved his hands around quickly and wrapped the sand around all the teddies, thus sending them to their sploody doom. Stuffing, pink fur, and a few distorted voice boxes rained down on the aisle. Shukaku spit up in joy.

More toys began to rain down on them. Gaara just kept killing them as fast as he could with his sand. He found it much more fun to pop their heads off then rip them apart, but that took a little too much time. There wasn't much Naruto and Sasuke could do. But they enjoyed the break.

"This is the last time I go to Wal-Mart," Naruto growled.

"Pee!"

"I'll just go to E.B. Games for any game I need now…" Sasuke said, mainly too himself.

Suddenly, a toy that hadn't attacked, or even moved from the shelf blew up thanks to the sand. Naruto and Sasuke stared at Gaara with a puzzled look.

"Why did you get that one? It wasn't doing anything," Naruto asked.

"It looked at me funny."

"But…it…"

"I. Hate. Toys."

"Right-o, what ever yah say! You're the one in control!" Naruto laughed nervously.

"I think we should keep going," Sasuke leaned over to Naruto and whispered.

"What about him?" Naruto pointed to Gaara. Sasuke stared for a moment, and then looked back to Naruto.

"I think he'll be fine."

"Good point…he likes killing them anyway," Naruto stood up and brushed some of the excess sand off his clothes, and a few clumps of stuffing. "We're gonna go get the game now, ok?" Naruto said to Gaara.

"Hm."

"Have fun!"

"_FALKCMIDFHIUDEHFRIJWRDJ HISSSS!" _

"You too Shukaku," Naruto waved. He and Sasuke carefully snuck out of the aisle. Even after they had moved on a few aisles down, they could still see sand and stuffing flying through the air.

Toys are evil. Especially the ones in Wal Mart.


	8. Final Opponent!

WHOA! It's the final chapter! At last! Haha. I'm so glad that this got so many reveiws! I can't believe it! This is the most reviews anything I've done has gotten+faints from being overjoyed+ YOU GUYS ROCKMY SOCKS OFF! hahaha. I hope you enjoyed this wonderful crack filled journey! Andkeep in mind...there are plenty more stores for me to torture the Naruto cast in.

"We've been walking for a while now…" Naruto complained. "I'm hungry."

"The games are just up ahead," Sasuke growled and pointed to the sign hanging in the aisle.

"You know…I'm never helping you get one of yer stinkin' games again," Naruto huffed.

"I don't care," Sasuke glared at him. "You didn't need to help me this time."

"Of course I did! I mean come on! You were all '_MAAH GAME! WHAT'LL I DOOO! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!'_" Naruto mocked.

"Shut up, dobe," Sasuke barked. Naruto just laughed. "You're not one to talk. If it weren't for me, you'd be stuck in a tire with Kankuro. Better yet, you couldn't even get a pad off your face," Sasuke smiled coldly.

"LEMME ALONE!"

"PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"I hate the sound of bickering children," a tall thin man who unexpectedly appeared in front of them said. "They don't understand the meaning of being kicked out."

"Who are you?" Naruto glared at him.

"Who do you think idiot?" Though they couldn't tell, the man was very annoyed behind his smiley mask. "I'm the one that's been sending out all the ninjas after you. And now, I only have to deal with you two!"

Sasuke was pissed. He could see the games right behind the man, but there was no way of getting there with him in the way. He knew Naruto would get all riled up and fight, so that meant he would too.

"You can't just kick people out!" Naruto yelled.

"Of course we can. How stupid can you get?"

"SHUT UP!" Naruto growled. "Kyuubi!"

"PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kyuubi lunged at the man.

The man was taken back by the pee suddenly getting on his shirt, but threw Kyuubi back at Naruto. Sasuke pulled out three kunai and threw them. Much to his dismay, the man saw them coming even though he was wiping off his shirt.

"You'll have to try better than that!" he jumped forward and rammed into Sasuke; sending him flying back into a huge cage of pillows. Sasuke thought he would be fine (despite the fact how bad it hurt to be rammed against metal)…until all the pillows on the top fell on top of him. There were a lot too. (Yet another side note: Something similar to this happened to me once upon a time, having pillows fall on me from the pillow cage that is...)

"Sasuke!" Naruto went to dig him out, but the man stopped him.

"You shouldn't have tried to come back in," he laughed.

_A while later…_

Sasuke wasn't exactly sure how long he had been trying to get out of the pile of pillows, but he knew it had been a while. He could occasionally hear sounds of the battle going on between Naruto and the mysterious Wal-Mart Ninja man. He just kept digging up. After a while, he saw a ray of light coming through the pillows. He dug faster in hopes of getting out and finishing off the guy for putting him through all of this.

Sasuke shoved as hard as he could and finally climbed out on top of the pillows. He looked around and saw the damage of the battle. He scanned the area for Naruto, but only saw the man extremely beat up and bloody on the floor near the movies.

"Hey! TEME!" Naruto called from atop the pillow cage. Sasuke looked up in disbelief and saw a scratched up Naruto. "Catch!" Naruto threw something down at Sasuke, which beamed him in the head. It was his game. "Look who saved YOUR BUTT!" he laughed.

"How…?" Sasuke asked.

"Me and Kyuubi beat his ass! How else?" Naruto jumped down. "You couldn't even get out of PILLOWS in time! HAHAHAHA!"

"Lets just get out of here, dobe."

Naruto continued laughing and teasing Sasuke about his defeat. Sasuke had to smack him several times, even though it didn't always prove effective.

_After they got outside…_

Naruto and Sasuke got out of Wal-Mart alive, with Sasuke's game. They then vowed to never come back there. They didn't think about what happened to everyone else, however when they got outside, they found out.

"WHOA! Sakura, you look like you got into a fight with a mongoose and a cobra! And you were the cobra the mongoose killed!" Naruto gaped at Sakura.

"SHUT UP!" she whacked him on the head. "They kicked me and Ino out after we started fighting."

"Can you guys please get me out this tire now?" Kankuro pleaded as he hopped around. "Hey…how'd you get that eye patch, Temari?"

"Tampons. I swear if you ever try to make fun of me for this, you'll be stuck in that tire forever." Temari glared at herbrother. Kankuro gulped and swore never to make a singlecrack aboutTemari being pokedin the eye with a tampon. Shegrabbed the tire firmly and pulled as hard as she could and managed to yank it off over Kankuro's head.

"_FSDLKCMIDHFIUEHRKEJDKCFMD HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" _Shukaku had a strong hate for toys and he still wanted some more eyebrows.

"I hate toys." No one was really sure how Gaara got back outside, though no one bothered to ask.

"PEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"MY GAME!"

"Can you take us home now, Temari? Pretty please!" Naruto begged.

"Gladly. I want out of here now," she sighed and flung open her fan. "Thankfully there's a Target coming soon."

And away they went. Sasuke had his game, Naruto had a glorious moment, Kankuro was out of his tire, Temari had an eye patch, Gaara's loathing for toys grew, Sakura looked like a rabid ferret attacked her face, and they all hated Wal-Mart. So they all went home and finally enjoyed being able to eat.

THE END! I know! It was stupid!


	9. The Beginning of a Sequel!

**So this is the sequel to Walmart Adventure (or at least the start of it...) I posted it in a different story completely, but no one really noticed...+sigh+ So here it is folks! You don't have to review on this, review on the actual story if you can, please and thank you! I hope you enjoy! **

**K-Mart Incident**

The long (kind of) awaited sequel to Wal-Mart Adventure

The snow danced through the air, leaving a beautiful coat of glistening white beauty all over Konoha. (It does snow there, doesn't it? Oh well, it does now.) It was the first snow of the season, just in time for Christmas, putting everyone in the mood to give and be happy and love. Or hate, for those who decided they hated Christmas.

The blond haired genin frowned as he stared out the window. He wanted to be outside enjoying the winter wonderland, or at least try to, but instead he had been called into Tsunade's office, along with Sakura and all of Team Gai for a mission.

"Now that you're all here, we can down to business. I have a very important mission for all of you, and while it is important, it's easy and I'm feeling good right now, so you can do it without the supervision of a Chuunin," Tsunade smiled. What they didn't know was that Tsunade only felt good because she was too drunk on eggnog to care anymore than she did.

"What's our mission then?" Sakura asked happily. She loved the snow, and Christmas, so it was a delightful time for her.

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it, and you have to, is…" Tsunade paused and looked down; closing her eyes and then opened her eyes and stared dramatically at them. Everyone looked to her with a gasp. "OPERATION SECRET SANTA!!!"

"Secret Santa?" Naruto asked flatly, Kyuubi growled from atop his head. It sounded lame.

"Yes, you need to go out and use the money we've collected to buy gifts for the children of Konoha! Because I'm a good person!" Tsunade laughed. "Only a good person would come up with this wonderful of an idea, which will bring joy and laughter to all the bright children of our village!" She threw her arms up in joy.

"You're really plastered, aren't you?" Naruto glared. He was bitter. Kyuubi peed a little. Why was he bitter? No one knew…but it probably had something to do with the fact the authoress willed it that way.

"I am not plas-plasfffffff- what you just said. I'm very...Christmassy right now," she hiccupped. "Just get your rears over to Wal-Mart and get to shopping! I have too much to do here anyway!" she shook an angry fist at them.

Sakura and Naruto looked to each other with fearful wide eyed expressions. Tsunade uttered the name of the most dreaded store in history…DUN, DUN, DUUUUNNNN!!!!!! Wal-Mart yo.

"AH HELL NO!" Naruto screamed. "Not only will they not let us in the store, you couldn't pay me to break in! That place is evil!" He threw his hands about wildly to add drama.

"But, Naruto," Lee started. "This is for the children!" he struck a nice guy pose. Neji smacked in him in the head.

"I agree with Lee. We could do it just this once for them," Sakura added. Tenten cheered along too. Neji stayed quiet.

"I don't care if the kids are dying of some obscure cancer! I'm not going in there again!" Naruto folded his arms across his chest. "The only place I'll go to is K-Mart!"

"PEEEEEEE!!!!"

"Since when are you such a butt face?" Sakura asked.

"Since I saw yo' mama's face!" Naruto snapped his fingers. Christmas made him out of character, and bitter. He didn't like being alone on the holidays.

"PEE YO!" Kyuubi cried in an equally gangsta way.

"Naruto, come 'ere," Tsunade mumbled. Naruto took a few steps closer.

"What do you want?" He grumbled. Tsunade shoved a cup up to his face. "What the hell is that?" he asked, smelling the some what nasty smell.

"Milk. Drink it. Now." She shoved the cup up to his mouth. Naruto choked as Tsunade forced the drink down him. It tasted funny. After the drink was gone, Naruto stood in complete silence and stillness.

"Hokage-sama? What did you do?" Sakura asked. Everyone leaned forward and stared at Naruto.

"I gave him the spirit of Christmas!" she laughed, taking out the bottle of eggnog and shaking it.

"OH! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE A HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS!!! IT'S THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR!!!" Naruto belted out into song.

"PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Everyone's jaws dropped. There, dancing and singing in front of them was a drunk Naruto and Kyuubi. Ya know, even though he's on his head, what happens to Naruto, happens to Kyuubi. Blah, blah, blah.

"Keep this with you in K-Mart," Tsunade handed Sakura the bottle of eggnog. "That way, in case he sobers up, you can keep him drunk and happy, so you don't have to deal with him being a whiny-ass bitter little boy."

"…All…right…" Sakura tucked the bottle away in her butt pouch. Heh. Butt pouch. "Come on…I guess we should get going…" she said, taking Naruto by the arm and guiding him along.

Lee, Neji, and Tenten followed with uneasy stares and headed for K-mart.

--

The group of assorted Christmas Nin stared up at the half dead K-Mart sign; the K was flickering off and on, making it appear as just 'Mart'. To top things off, it was a 'Big K' as the words under the sign said.

"Hn. Wal-Mart's better," Neji grumbled.

"GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER!! WALKIN' HOME FROM OUR HOUSE CHRISTMAS EVEEE!!!!" Naruto threw his arms out and spun around in the parking lot. He then proceeded to fall and bust his ass on the pavement due to the ice. "HAH! That hurt…"

"Pssst, Tenten!" Lee whispered in his teammate's ear.

"What do you want Lee?" she whispered back, unsure of why they were whispering. Everyone around them (excluding Naruto simply because he was now ice skating around cars) could hear them.

"Will you help me pick out a present for Sakura-san while I'm in here too?" he asked, with hopeful eyes.

"Lee if you wanna buy her love, go shopping some where that _didn't_ have Martha Stewart as a spokesperson," she said flatly.

Suddenly, the equally half dead electric doors flew open and nearly whacked Neji in the face. An eerie feeling crept upon the collection of genin, once again except for Naruto. Sakura grabbed him by his scarf and drug him to the doors like a dog. A very drunk dog.

"Some might say there's no such thing as Santa! But as for me and grandpa, we believe!!!!!" There was a steady chorus of 'PEEE!' in the background of Naruto's singing.

"SHUT UP ALREADY!! I think I liked it better when you were bitter," Sakura yelled. Naruto stared at her for a moment, a confused look upon his face. He then reached up and poked her on the nose.

"Pook!" He said in a high voice, and then laughed uncontrollably.

"How much alcohol was in that eggnog anyway?" Tenten asked.

"Probably straight vodka with a little eggnog added to it," Neji answered.

No one seemed to notice the doors were still standing open, and threatening to break from being held open so long. They were starting to sizzle. Bzzt.

"I guess we should go in and get this over with," Sakura sighed, dragging Naruto behind her still. They all followed closely for fear of being separated. Once they were past the half dead doors, they proceeded into the main area of K-Mart that was occupied by the Customer Help Desk and the shopping carts.

"This place…" Neji started dramatically. Everyone looked to him. Naruto hiccupped. "It sucks ass," he finished flatly.

"Well duh," Tenten said, placing her hands on her hips. "Lets just hurry up and get this done, this place is starting to give me the creeps," she wrapped her coat around a little tighter. "What's on the list Hokage-sama gave us?"

Neji reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of paper. Tsunade had entrusted him with the list simply because she knew he was probably the most normal in the entire group. She knew Sakura would probably try to take complete control, Naruto was too drunk to read it, Lee would try to do it dramatically, thus running the risk of destroying it, and Tenten….well, she didn't know Tenten. Not many did; for she in an underdeveloped character that the authoress is going to have fun tormenting.

"I suppose we should take care of all the toys first," Neji said scanning the list. "Then we should head to the music…I guess," he folded the list back up and shoved it in his pocket. He was never one to really go shopping, so he only assumed that would be easier. And lucky for him, it was.

"Too the toys then!" Lee threw his hands into the air, striking a dramatic pose.

"JINGLE BELLS! JINGLE BELLS!!! JINGLE ALL THE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!" Naruto cheered as he rode past the group on a cart.

"BAKA!! GET YOUR BRIGHT ORANGE ASS BACK HERE!" Sakura chased after him. Naruto giggled as he enjoyed his magical sleigh ride. Well, he thought it was a magical sleigh ride. Then the wheel gave out on the cart, as they very often do, and it stopped, but Naruto didn't, and he went flying through the air.

"Oh what fuuuuun it is to fasdkfjla la eakdmcfaioenn…." Naruto slurred as his eyes spun around from his crash. He couldn't tell he wasn't really singing anymore.

"PeeEEEEEEEEeee…!" Kyuubi murmured as he clutched onto Naruto's headband. Naruto wobbled as he sat up, but then shook his head a little. The 'Christmas Cheer' was wearing off. Alcohol only lasts so long when you have a demon.

"What happened?" Naruto looked around and was partially blinded by the fluorescent lights. His eyes widened in fear. "I BETTER NOT BE IN WAL-MART!" He screamed, only to realize the over all store. It looked rather crappy, and like half of it was under renovation. "Oh…"

Sakura saw he was starting to sober up. She contemplated leaving him that way, simply because his caroling was getting on her nerves. Then again, she wasn't sure she wanted to put up with him being bitter. The others might kill him either way, so she decided to keep him drunk.

"Open wide, Naruto," Sakura said as she kneeled down next to him.

"What the—" but it was too late. Sakura forced him to drink more eggnog. The rest of the group sighed. He was going to be loud and obnoxious either way. But drunken Naruto was much more amusing than bitter Naruto.

"Is he all right?" Tenten asked as they grouped around him. Naruto gave out a hiccup and looked up at her.

"Heh, you look like a panda," he giggled and pointed to her hair, which in his eyes were panda ears. Tenten punched him.

"Come on, the toys are right there," Neji pointed over to the aisles of various toys.

"YES!" Lee said brightly and struck yet another pose. Neji smacked him.

But little did the ninjas know they were being watched. Watched by some kind of pure evil…waiting for the right moment to attack…


End file.
